How to make a relationship work: the 5 tips from the psychologist

What do we talk about when we talk about love? Are we talking about a passion that can only last a few years? Or of a feeling that with the passage of time settles, grows, and changes and can last a lifetime or death do us part? Sure, making a relationship work can be anything but easy. The secret of the perfect relationship does not exist. But there are some tips that we can put into practice so that our story of love is always healthy and never predictable.

  1. The importance of communication

This may seem like superfluous advice in an age where we are all perennially connected and hungry for communication. But it is not so. “Talking, communicating does not only mean agreeing on the shopping list or the day’s activities. It is very important to let our partner know our state of mind. Especially if something is wrong; if something has bothered us, we explain how we feel. If we find that something of our partner’s behaviour, we do not like, let’s try to make it clear in time. Let’s try to talk about it before this becomes a topic of discussion “. So let’s avoid pointing the finger at each other. Let’s stop, and above all, let’s talk a moment before.

  1. Points of view

Sometimes admitting that there are visions other than personal ones can be tough. And as a couple, thinking about it in two different ways on the same topic can generate arguments and quarrels. “We always remember that in relationships, there are always two points of view. There is no single truth: there are always two sides of the same coin.  And not necessarily one must prevail over the other: let’s make sure that comparisons are always peaceful, let’s avoid going to the clash “.

  1. Don’t give up on your uniqueness

Let’s forget the romantic tale of the better half. A couple is made up of two integers: “Never give up pieces of you. Each has its uniqueness and must not impose its will (see advice number 2). It is essential to maintain one’s own space “. But in addition to maintaining spaces of independence, one must also avoid overshadowing one another: “Many couples come to therapy precisely because the light of the other obscures one of the two.” Equally important is supporting one’s partner: “Declared and selfless support is essential for the couple’s health.” 

  1. Quality time

After spending half an hour on the sofa choosing a movie to watch on Netflix or after wasting an entire afternoon deciding whether to go to the cinema or a Chinese restaurant, the fight seems to be around the corner. But before the evening is hopelessly compromised, we always remember that the focus is on spending time together: “The will is to spend time together, regardless of the activity we decide to do. This must be our priority, not the film that we will see or the restaurant where we will eat “. 

  1. The couple must be fed

It takes very little to make routine take over. Work, shopping, children, and the relationship, even involuntarily, takes a back seat. ” The couple must be nurtured. We must spend energy only for her. We cannot limit ourselves to living together, only the house’s space or the time for the children. We must strive to find something that belongs only to the relationship”. Dance the tango, take a cooking class, go to the theater, or dedicate one day a week to go running together. “And it is also very important to nurture romance; intimacy should not be taken for granted.” 

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